How did Afeefa Nabila come into existence?

I never tested it to any human being except myself but I believe that what I think is true; it’s not so objective but there is none asks me to be objective now. I am doing what I think what I am supposed to be doing; I don’t care how bad my English is; I don’t even care if Ms. Kingsley will ask me someday about my bad grammar like what she used to be. Now I am the boss of my own; I own my own kingdom. I name myself as Raden Mas (a title for a royal blooded man in Indonesia); I do not care whether the Royal Indonesian families will protest or send some stupid slaves to wash my feet. I just do what I think I wanna do. Hahah…. “I am the king of the world and that’s fun” that’s what Alyankovic said.

I am telling people about my love now; although in my entire life (so far) I never loved a girl with a true love. True love? What is it? I don’t really know what it is; the only think that I know is that loves are fake and ridiculous. I don’t know why I think it that way; probably I never have a single love before. I can easily like a girl; but I hardly love her. I see many nice and good looking girls; but I can hardly have a crush on them; neither the girls who are reading this note.
I don’t really understand why this happen; I seem not to care about anything in my life. Except the fact that I don’t care about anything; people say that I am so indifferent. Again, I don’t care what they say; whether it sounds good or not. I just don’t listen. In these two months there are four girls who were trying to get close to me (or probably I just feel it that way; but they don’t), it makes me kind of annoyed and bothered. So I made a clone in Facebook; and I named it Afeefa Nabila.

Afeefa Nabila is not just nonsense; Afeefa is a name of an American girl. She was pretty cute and independent, I liked her. But it stops only in “like”. Nabila belongs to Nabila Sya’kieb, a movie actress in Indonesia; she is also very cute. I liked her. So I made that clone “Afeefa Nabila” because I was so annoyed. I often try to get close to any girl, like some girls in my class. I don’t care what they feel, whether they hate, like, annoyed, or even love (impossible), the only thing that I care is the fact that I do not care about it. I never even remember their face in my mind, neither cell phone numbers.

Honestly, I tried to love a girl one day. She was very beautiful, rich, smart and yeah. I begin to love her more and more; I always sent her e-mails and SMSs. Wow… she did respond a little bit. But finally I realize that I have no moral to love her; she is so different to me. I was just I was. It never even crossed in my mind that I was worth for her. She was so different to me; so much different. I got nothing and she got everything. Then my effort to love a girl ended.

Second try.

One day I was sitting in one class in UMY; I saw a young lady; that’s what the American like to say “Young Lady”. She was pretty neat and beautiful; I guessed. But… still. I have the same problems; I saw her so many times when I walk to American Corner. It makes me so hmmm but can tell it even to myself. Again I kind of …. Yeah… dunno or do not know. But, yeah… not a butt. Hahaha… I remember her face; so cute so sweet. Although, I lately haven’t seen her pretty often but I can tell her face. That’s it! I am in love; it’s supposed to be a love. I found it; I don’t care whether she will love me or not; loving her is more than enough for me.


Afeefa Nabila's profile picture on Facebook